Im at strip club and am horny
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
