Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
