he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
