ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
