i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
