Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
