we have pet lesbian snakes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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