You're my little dorito
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
