it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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