Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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