God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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