I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
