i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
