I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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