blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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