i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
