dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
