so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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