can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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