I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
