I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
