Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
