Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
