woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
