sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
