At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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