Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
