She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
