God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Boobs are out for the taking
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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