Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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