And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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