I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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