very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
