My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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