if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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