you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
