epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
