question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
