winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
