you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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