I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
