Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
