I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
