that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
