your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
