I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
