Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
