there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
