I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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