the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
