you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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