i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
