LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
