he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
